My grandmother said one thing about children that I still meditate over:
“When children a little they step all on your feet, and when they get grown, they step all over your heart.”
There are so many things I can look back on now and thank my mother for. I find myself often now coming to her and talk to her…and even telling her, “thank you.”
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I was able to understand how hard this job is, the stamina needed to be someone’s mother, the sense of self, to be able to give self to another person.
There is something to be said for the power of a mother’s love, the depth of it and the need of it. I am not at the point in motherhood where the anchor of my mother, and my grandmother before her passing, reminds me that I will make it. That being a mother to my own daughters will not kill all that makes me me.
The best thing my mother ever did for me was trusting me with my newborn oldest daughter. She went out of town after I gave birth, and knew I could do it! She knew that all she had poured into me, given to me, I could give to my own daughter…
That is powerful.
I remember all the madness I put my mother through, and wonder how she lives me even when I thought I hated her. I didn’t understand why she kept talking to the divine in me when I wanted to just break out and die to whatever it was she thought I should be.
I am grateful I had a mother with the grace to handle me, to pray for me and be real with me. It would have been easier for her to let me be, but God knew better. This is he same woman who told me to keep writing, at my darkest point.
There is a point in motherhood that the love you have for your child is tested. And I am glad my mother’s was tried and found faithful. I can say now that I can call my mother a friend, she is an anchor and a pillar.
Indeed, there is a mystery to this motherhood. There is a method of this madness of birthing and raising children. There is a well that is dug inside of you which unless tended it’ll be corrupted. What you offer will be tainted to yourself and other people–especially, your children. It is love that keeps those waters clean. It it love that continues to dig deep believing for the better of what can be seen.
It is love that gives strength to give mothers the power to do what is needed…instead of giving over to the despair that sometimes comes.
I can say, a decade and some after the insanity of teenage years and the maze of early twenties, I was blessed to have a mother that loves me…believes in me, and still has the audacity to tell me my knees are ashy.
Remember, don’t die with your dream in you. My mama said that.
This post was sponsored by the incredible Tonia Thompson of the podcast Nightlight. If you have not heard this podcast, I encourage you to listen. The podcast is on Patreon, and there are chances to sponsor. For more information about Tonia and Nightlight, email here at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Love you Tonia!