This year, my father would be 74 in October. And yet I think back 41 years ago and think that I was his present for that particular Father’s Day in … Continue reading On This Father’s Day
To all the men that follow this space, know that you are loved, seen and appreciated. As of this year, it has been 23 years since I have heard my … Continue reading HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
It’s easy for a man to make a baby. Our part in the creation of a child only takes us three quick thrusts and a loud moan. For some … Continue reading The End Of The Matter: Men Must Do Better–Fathers, Baby Daddies & The Cycles Of Fatherhood
Titus 2:7 (ESV)-
Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,
I’m not getting on this whole bandwagon of MEN ARE TRASH or the other of a similar phrases. I’m not one that gets on bandwagons anyway. However, this is not one that I would even consider.
It’s easy to say as other hurt women do, that “Men ain’t (bleep).” I have said that more than once about the men I was dating, and one I was married to, when something didn’t happen the way I thought it would or should.
There is a pattern I keep seeing in these type of trends. Everyone is happy about being hurt, bitter and alone. Everyone is trying to hurt everyone else before they can get hurt. *In this whole assertion and movement to dismantle patriarchy, we have to remember that men are human too.
There are some men that are raised to only show two emotions: anger and toughness. If they show tenderness, mercy or any sensitivity then they are seen as ‘soft’ or ‘gay.’ It is seen as manly to be disrespectful, arrogant and angry. None of those things make for lasting, healthy relationships.
The meshing of women and men in relationships aren’t a new thing. There is something to be said of voicing opinion and realizing what it is to be male and female. There is something to be said for appreciating the awesomeness of the male species.
The men that set the example for how you are supposed to be treated as a woman, as a girl, as a human being. The person that is the model of what to do for a boy. The person that allows you to be and do with no pretense. The person that gives you half of whom you are and shapes whom you will become.
These men in this position go beyond biological donation and blood relation. These are the men that come in and take this position from death, marriage or other life changes. They shouldn’t be discounted.
The young men in our lives that depend on our maturity and ability to adapt to change. Their mothers should not make their emasculation their mission. They should not be reared to handicap, and should not have the expectation to replace men that left their mothers, that hurt their mothers, and should be able to fulfill all the days of their lives. Every man was once someone’s son.
These same sons need to see their fathers: good, ill or indifferent. They need to see the impossible is not so. They need to see their father’s as human, fallible and…redeemable. So when that same redemption is needed, they can give it to themselves first…not wait for the world to gift it.
My daughters have been blessed to have two extra uncles, non biological. These men have decided that the have loved me and my family enough to allow them to be a part of their lives.
They allow them them to be safe and protected. They support my husband in the awesome job he’s doing as a Dad. Uncles are glue in family life. They shouldn’t be overlooked.
My favorite uncle? Patrick. What made Patrick so dope? I felt safe around him.
Some of my closest friends have been male. These have been the guys I consider my anchors, that I can go to about anything, at any time and not feel judgement.
There have been times where I didn’t feel my female friends would really show me the strength (read: compassion) needed. But more than once, I found myself on a receiver in full meltdown and needed anchor in a good guy friend.
As women, as quiet as it’s kept (as my Nan would say), women lives their lives defined by men: maiden names, married names, the titles we keep (Miss vs Ms. vs Mrs.).
It’s normal to want to regain something of what is lost–that autonomy of destiny, being able to feel self-determined.
*That shouldn’t be done at the expense of other people, no matter the sex. There are some really good guys out there. You shouldn’t spend your life hating the many because of the few.
*-I will be the first to say that there is a problem with patriarchy, rape culture and the care and protection of women. How we treat women needs to change. The sexualizing of girls and women needs to change. That starts with how we treat and teach our sons. There is nothing wrong with men being able to voice opinion and emote and ask for help. This “Man-Up” insatiable nonsense needs to stop. Now, is there a level of strength in controlling emotions that men seem to have mastered? Yes. Is it needed? Yes. But that strength does not deny humanity. We gotta do better.