Author: JaiydaT

I love change. That’s first about me! I’m also a Leo, and yes, I'm one of those astrology people! Don’t judge. I’m twenty years of age, and in my junior year of college at Michigan State University. Even with being a Spartan now I used to be a Panther at the Illustrious Clark Atlanta University where I found out that cheese in grits is the ONLY way! With that being said I’m a huge foodie, and drool at the thought of a good burger! A twenty year old Leo who enjoys food, and is in love with the idea of change doesn’t sound like much, so I’ll be honest, I barely know myself. For now I’ll leave you with the basics, and hope you find more about me through my writing!

TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY-4/14/2020

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This week’s advice from our own Jaiyda. Let the kids know, sis! -JBHarris

Taken from the Twitter account of HBCU Confessions (SU-Southern University):

Girl! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ran into these situations! Guys are just as difficult as they claim women to be. They have a hard time listening and comprehending when it comes to us explaining that just being friends is best or all that us ladies want. First things first though: you have to be very clear on your boundaries even when having casual conversation.

I’m not saying to be overbearing and immediately come out with all of the things you do or don’t want out of a guy and the relationship you may acquire with them. I’m saying to be pretty simple in responses that may come off as flirtatious towards you. I know it’s hard sometimes because you just want to be kind and respectful, but this’ll stop a lot of hurt for all parties involved later on.

I know what you’re thinking next too: “I don’t even feed into anything or flirt back!” I know, I know! Most times we never do, that’s why it’s easier to explain that you just aren’t that girl in these situations: the girl that’s gonna change their mind with a little bit of convincing.

Be very stern in a lot of the things you say, and things you do. When guys see that you’re a woman of your word they won’t even bother. They’ll realize the chase is pointless. Overall though, any guy who can’t respect the reasons you just want a friendship, isn’t your friend to begin with. They always wanted more and they always will so let them fade and accept where it ends!

Male best friends come naturally, trust me, and they’ll be around forever with no hidden agenda! They’ll just be around because they enjoy getting on your nerves!

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29 Days Of Blackness-Looking For Struggle Love: I Hate The Love That I Deserve

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Image result for the photograph movie
Some people cannot imagine love without having to fight to get it, keep it or maintain it. There is a line from the book The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald) when he (Gatsby) is looking at Daisy, and the line goes, “He looked at her like every girl wants to be looked at.” Why can’t Black girls have that? Without having to fight to get it?

I’ve concluded that I hate the love that I deserve.

It sounds insane, but the more I reveled in the mess of the insanity I realized a lot of the Black women around me do too. This realization has came over the lovely Valentine’s Day weekend where the beautiful movie The Photograph starring Issa Rae, and LaKeith Stanfield rocked the Box Office. It seems like right after the debut of the movie timelines were littered with critiques like:

“That’s it?”

“There was no climax!”

“It was so boring!”

I didn’t get it! The movie was beautiful: the movie was straight to the point, there was love between Black people without heartache like we had after Queen & Slim.

Image result for queen and slim
Folk had issues with Queen & Slim too…
Struggle love is what we see so often that anything healthy is–seen as foreign.

It wasn’t making sense…until that same night I got home with my boyfriend, and took in all the small things he had done for me–that night!–that I tried to reject; the small things he had done for me this month that felt like he had gone out of his way to do. I thought it was merely just things you do for folks you loved.

I keep replaying how much I rejected these small (but very large in principle) things, the same way viewers were rejecting simple love between Black people, love without violence, love with small affirmations, vulnerable love. We rejected what was more than deserving for two people, and we do it in our own lives too.

I can’t express how much my heart keeps aching, thinking about how we as women can constantly reject simple love; passionate and deserving love; to continue a cycle that we’re more used to, and that seems more ‘practical’ than accepting what is or is not healthy. What is for us, what is comforting in nature, what is fulfilling in spirit all to keep running back a broken tired ole story of “Black love”. We are so used to the pain of trying to be loved, of ‘being in love’ or some climatic event that either blows a couple apart of keeps them together.

I hate it.

No, not the love that I deserve, but I hate the fact we as women reject what is healthy because it is so foreign to some of us! I hate us not just loving our beautiful brown love, I hate how our self-sabotaging ways–just to be able to tell ourselves “I knew it was too good to be true!”. I want us to love love. I want us to want to fold laundry for someone (because there’s no truer love of course). I want us to let our feet be rubbed. I want us to accept the small, and large tokens of love.

I want to love the love that I deserve.

[images from comingsoon.net and dailybeast.com]