Look For The Opps: The Danger of Pick Me’s

About 15 years ago, I decided that I couldn’t have a lot of close female friends. And at age 40, I am the same way. Here is why:

During a family event, there was a person that I was close with that got really intoxicated. Seeing she was there with her sisters and friends, I went to get something to eat with my (then) husband. I asked if she would be okay, I offered her our room to lay down. She said she would be fine. We left. We came back. And when we went home in the morning, I found out a hook-up happened between her and someone that she knew. Thing is, she didn’t remember it and was really upset by it. When I asked her ‘best friend’ what happened, and why she didn’t stop it (that was her friend, and remember–she was drunk!), she said, “People are gonna do what they are gonna do, dog.” I never looked at her the same way.

Now, I do not make this space to bash women who desire to make home and family their main desire. If relationships are what you are after? Cool!

If you like to chase men and when you have a dude in your sights you want, and you need to see what Black girl magic you can create? Cool!

But don’t do it at the expense or the protection of the women around you! Now, what I didn’t tell you all is the woman that said this to her was chasing 2 men out of this friend group.

The danger of these actions, of this behavior, is the internalized misogyny. The disregard of the safety of another woman in order to get what you want.

That is dangerous. That is deadly, and I can assure you every woman has a story like that–either told to her, or that she lived through.

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