The Joy Unspeakable

I was born a Black woman, and live my life as a Black woman.

There was a time when Underworld was poppin’ and I wanted to reincarnated as Selene (Kate Beckinsale), but that is the only time I wanted to be a White woman. But, as we all know (sadly) Selene isn’t real. Besides, the Underworld franchise was written by a Black man. But let’s move on, shall we?

I remember the time that I wanted to a Latina girl, because at certain clubs with my hair rule straight with my pretty brown face, I was either Cuban or Dominican. Weird.

The road to me loving all of me as a Black woman was bumpy. It was long. And it was…tough! There are things that I had to confront as a woman, and a Black woman, in order to love me before I could let anyone else me.

1.) I had to realize that I am fine…no matter what people thought. I decided to love myself, scars, faults, mistakes, everything. I had to in order to move past what the world thought of me.

2.) I am beautiful…without makeup. My nickname in my twenties was ‘Glamour Girl’. My face was always beat, hair always done, nails and feet. To the point that I didn’t ‘feel’ pretty without this. I had to learn that the girl under the makeup is beautiful…it took me having kids, and reaching my 30s for that. WHEW.

3.) I am good enough. I still struggle with this, I won’t lie. I have an idea for my life, and can be single-minded towards getting there. And when I miss it? I beat myself up a little. A lot, really. But I am learning to celebrate the little things. Because that chick in the mirror–she works really hard.

In the close of my 40th year, going into my 41st year, I am in a space where I am finding and holding on to joy. And the joy of a Black woman, a healing Black woman, hits different! It allows me to move in and out of places, saying what I said, and love me.

Truly, love me.

That’s the flex, Torches! When you accept you? When you love you? When you do the WORK to love you? That is an unstoppable flex.

Black Girl Magic, indeed.

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