Let me be completely 100% with you, Torches! I had a whole different set of plans for 2020.
I had personal plans.
I had professional plans.
I had plans for my kids!
I have run through the five stages of grief with this year! I really have! For a refresher, the five stages of grief are:
DENIAL. Couldn’t believe this was life in December 2019 (before shutdown). I knew that science is still credible, and I–like most people–hoped it wouldn’t be ‘that’ bad.
ANGER. I wasn’t mad about the quarantine. I wasn’t mad about wearing a mask. I wasn’t mad about washing my hands or getting stock in hand sanitizer. I was angry because I saw select cases become a pandemic because there was rampant disorganization, apathy and chaos. I hate chaos—I cannot think in chaos.
BARGAINING. All I could think was if I just hunkered down on everything, and just kept within my ‘social pod’, maybe me and all of mine would be fine! I did all in my power (and still am!) to be as unsocial/antisocial as I possibly can be.
DEPRESSION. As of this posting, I have not hugged my mother in about 9 months. NINE MONTHS.
ACCEPTANCE. I am now grateful. So grateful. Maybe you have too! But I am now, after 11 months, I am at acceptance. Finally, I had to remember that am not in control. But, I am realizing that this year was just what I needed! I have been running like a restored 1967 Chevrolet Impala with a 420 Engine! Just on ZOOM, do you hear me? What I have done this year is learn how to roll with all that is happening–all of it. I am learning how to meter out my energy, when to be outraged, and when to just lay down.
The irony is this–for as crazy as this year has been? I needed the rest! I needed to be able to nap, to reconnect with my kids, and concentrate on the things that I needed. Things that I needed to do!
I needed the rest. Oh, how I needed it! I just didn’t think I would get some of the best sleep while the world was burning down around me, among the people who don’t want to wear masks.