The What Is, The Never-Thoughts, & The New Normal

Being Supergirl hits different in a pandemic.

There is nothing quite like being a mother in a pandemic!

There are so many plans I had for this year! I was going to road trip, visit people, and I was planning on living my best life! And a chick was single too! Mane, look! I had planned on having my birthday with someone’s son! But this year has taught me the value of ‘I never thought.” This pandemic has taught me the value of time. It has taught me to respect time–realizing that time was, is, never mine!

Not completely.

I never thought I would be scared for my children to be around other children at school. I never thought I would work in a place where I literally would be risking my life to go to work! I never thought I would be going through a divorce in the middle of a pandemic! I never thought that I would be rebuilding my life for the second time one year from turning 40! I never thought this would be happening to me. Yet, the blessing in all this? It is the same thing–time. I have learned now that time is a gift and a grace. It took a total pandemic for me to learn that being an Alpha Femme can’t  grant me the power to stop time! I cannot stop time…but I can maximize all hours!

This pandemic has taught me that multi-tasking isn’t the same as maximizing. Sometimes the best way to maximize my time is to be present in every moment. Being grateful in every moment. Steamrolling through my day is not what is needed right–grace is needed right now. The stability of patience is needed right now. In the 9 months the world has been dealing with this pandemic, I have grown up. I thought I was handling adulthood well–until I had to find masks for myself and my family to–go to get milk. I thought I was handling life okay, until I had to look for a new job in a pandemic, and move in the midst of my life crumbling! I thought I was being a good mom until I had to make the decision to keep my kids out of school to save their lives because there was no other plan in place at the federal level!

This pandemic has taught me so much–it has taken the power away from “I never thought”. It has become equivalent to “never say never”. I see now one of the marks of maturity is to take things as they happen, as well as realizing anything can happen. The pandemic has taught me I am not in control…but, that is okay too. I do what I can. I handle what I can. I value every 24-hour day. And I still open my windows to let the light in. Why? Light and darkness cannot be in the same space–and darkness is banished when the light is on. I choose light, am choosing light. I have become my own superhero.

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