“My Girl Hit Me. Now What Do I Do?” You Still Need To Leave Her Alone.

There is never a situation where you need to put your hands on anyone. Outside of situations where you have to defend yourself, property or family, you don’t need to put hands on people. We know respectable society teaches that men should never hit a woman. No matter the situation. Men by virtue of physiology are stronger than women and don’t know their own strength at points! Moreover, violence is a base level behavior. If you call yourself a King, don’t put your hands on a woman you say you love! With that said, as a woman, you don’t need to lash out on your partner because of whatever. There is never a time where you as woman need to put your hands on man with the assertion that he shouldn’t put his hands on you with the refrain of, “I’m a woman! You better not hit me!” Hold on, Sis! Let me stop you. Just like you don’t want him to hit you, don’t hit him! Don’t make him your physical or emotional punching bag! Don’t make your relationship a viper pit with the expectation that your male partner not react to you in the same malicious manner! For me, my first serious relationships were toxic. I fought with the men whom said loved me. I even blacked my ex-husband’s eye because we were drunk at a party and he bit me (long story). And that was wrong. I fought with Adam, because he tried to hurt me and tried to kill me. I threatened to break a bottle in his face. I was trash and I admit that. That isht was wrong. There is no need for people who love each other to be physically abusive. None. There is no need for you to slap your spouse or boyfriend. There is no need to talk to this man whom you say means the world to you and have him walk on eggshells! There’s a guy friend of mine that went through something like this. *Drew had a wife that was abusive. Her crazy behavior caused him to lose his job as a TSA. She hit him. Cheated on him. She was controlling. She didn’t want Drew to have female friends! And she even hit him while he held their son! Drew stayed with her because he was a good man: he wanted his family. He wanted it to be better. He tried to love a woman that didn’t even respect him! I asked Drew why he stayed. He told me he stayed because he loved her. I cried (I hated his wife, and still do. I’m sure there is no love lost on her end either). I cried because I cared for him; I wanted him to be happy. For the woman who said she loved him, vowed to care for him, too every opportunity to dog him out. (She could have left him alone. I don’t care who gets mad. Tell her I said it.) The same resources for men to escape volatile relationships, aren’t always equal as they are for women. They just aren’t! But this is where I want my male Firestarters to be aware that a woman that values you will respect you. She will honor you and want the best for you. She will be an asset to you, and not use sex to remedy what the relationship is lacking. I want my male Firestarters to look at the circle of friends you have. I want you to consider what you want and want from your current relationship. Does this woman meet any criteria that you have set? If the answer to this is no, leave her. Do you see her ever meeting any criteria that you have? If the answer to this is no, leave her. Does her speech in heated conversation convey that she does not care for you? And is she often hostile to you to the point you don’t feel safe? If the answer to this is yes, leave her. Does she make a habit of putting her hands on you to prove a point? If the answer to this is yes, leave her. It does not make you a weak man for putting demands on a relationship you are seeking to build and sustain. It does not make you a weak man to set boundaries! It does not make you a week man to want to work on the relationship–especially if she has realized what the relationship means to you. And is willing to work on it. Exit plans and safe houses work for men too. And divorce works both ways. Manhood is not defined by what you can take in and not respond to. It is not based on being stoic, hardened or cynical. You deserve to be safe and happy too. Don’t be manipulated to stay with a woman who has no idea how to love you like you love (or desire to love) her. You deserve more. *-Not his real name. As of this posting Drew is no longer with this woman, and is in another relationship with a woman that loves him. [images from thyblackman.com, Twitter timeline (@autumnonvenus), firstepleicester.org.uk]

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