Mothers Of A Different Sort: Motherless Daughters

TW: child neglect, drug addiction, abuse

Thank you to Rebecca for her candor and present honesty. I know this piece was hard for her, and I am grateful she was able to contribute. We love you, Rebecca. JBH

I struggled with this piece.

Honestly, I don’t have a relationship with my birth mom. All the things we as women should have learned, I did not. I wasn’t told how as an African-American woman, not only my voice has power, but my melanin is just as powerful.

I was told how to carry myself with dignity, strength, grace and how to be humble. I was taught I am enough just the way that I am, to make sure that I don’t settle for less than in the future. I was also taught how my very existence is seen as a stain in the world because of the color of my skin. I was also taught how to love myself despite what society thinks.

I was taught showing up in the world demanding the respect that I deserve, without saying a word, is powerful enough to win any battle and surpass any obstacle.

But…I wasn’t taught who I was, why I should love being a woman, and why it is important as a woman to love perfectly all my imperfections.

My birth is a drug abuser.

I am also the youngest of five .

By the time I came along, her drug addiction was at its worst. I honestly don’t have anything great to say about her. She would leave me for days at a time with men I barely knew. We rarely, ever had food. We were always moving from place to place. She kept a job only, I believe, due to her having a drug habit: If you don’t work you couldn’t possibly supply your habit. I would love to say that my mom was nurturing, caring and understanding. I wish I could say she was there when I need her or held me when I cried–and that she was a superwoman.

I would love to tell you I had this amazing childhood…

My mom for me was Hell on earth–but I had to realize that she can only be whom she chooses and how she knew to be. Even though we don’t talk at all, I no longer hold her to the mistakes of her past. Honestly, it is a selfish reason as to why. I couldn’t continue to hold her to this past we have because I know that I will not be able to move forward in my own life without truly letting go of the anger and resentment I had towards her.

I had to let go of feel abandoned. I had to forgive her for being physically, verbally and emotionally abusive.

For my life to progress, I had to make the decision that I am enough! I made the decision that I am worthy of time, energy, and peace: all the things she didn’t teach me. I had to learn these things on my own. All the emotional things I needed from my mom, she isn’t capable of giving me–because she couldn’t give those things to herself.

I have an adopted mom I do love and adore. Everything I need to know about being a woman, she taught me. I will be forever grateful for who she has been to me!

As far as my birth mother is concerned, I would love to tell you that she was everything to me, but unfortunately, I can’t.

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