The End Of The Matter: Men Must Do Better–Fathers, Baby Daddies & The Cycles Of Fatherhood

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It’s easy for a man to make a baby.

Our part in the creation of a child only takes us three quick thrusts and a loud moan. For some men, that five minutes of pleasure is all they desired to do and will do leaving the woman to take on the responsibility from that point forward. Other men, take on the full responsibility of being a father whether or not he is in a relationship with the mother.

Men, especially black men, who are stepping up day after day–who are doing the best they can to be parents to their children– should, must be celebrated! And not by just one day out of the year in June!


I grew up never having both of my parents in the same house. When I was younger, my father was very engaged with me and I saw him all time. But as I got older, the less engaged he was with me. My father did just enough to get me through college, but after that, he pushed me out of his life. I have navigated most of my adult life without the guidance of my father.   He was not present during my first marriage, nor was he present for the birth of his granddaughter. Everything that I know about being a man, a father and a husband, I have had to learn by trial and error–or by seeking advice from other men.


When I married by current wife almost five years ago, she came as a package deal. Not only was I marrying her, I was becoming an instant parent to a two and half foot-tall small person and a three and half foot-tall small person. It was because I love their mother, I love them as well. Five years later, that once two and half-foot tall small person now follows me around everywhere,  I go and will talk my ear off if I let her. That once three and half foot-tall small person is now almost as tall as me, is going through puberty and knows I will not put up with her prepubescent foolishness.

They both call me “Daddy.” Even though they did not come biologically from me, I had to step up and become their father. There have been days where I have totally sucked at being a parent! There also have been days I should have won a gold medal for my parental abilities! I have been there and present for them for almost every important thing they have been through in their short lives, and I plan on being around for others especially as they become adults.


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I want to be the father to them my father wasn’t to me.

Men, it’s important that you show up and be present in the life of your children. Our time for excuses is over! If you believe that you do not know how to be a good parent to your children, then learn! Get around other positive fathers who can mentor you or read a book on parenting or fatherhood–there are plenty available.

If you want to see your children and desire to have a relationship with them, but your ex-wife or ‘baby mama’ is trying to block that from happening, I encourage you to see legal counsel– you have rights as a father! Also, men, if you need make sure that you take care of your mental health. It does not make you a weak person if you need to go see a therapist or if you need to cry every now and then. If anything, it shows that you are a real person with real feelings. Finally, make time for self-care do something for yourself every now and then just because!

To the men out there who have no desire to be parents, no intentions whatsoever to take care of a child, or the current child that you created with your ‘baby mama’, ex-wife or what have you . I’m telling you, from one man to another, please stop having unprotected sex!

I just need you to do an immediate full stop! Buying a box of condoms is much cheaper than buying a box of diapers. You are putting yourself into a situation that you may not be able to escape. Use wisdom–sex is not the only way to define your manhood.

Women, encourage your sons; your husbands; your fathers, and yes even your boyfriends or your baby daddies if they out there doing the right thing for you and those children. They need you too!


Men, take care of yourself. I believe in you.


[Images from Google]

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